The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage
by Nekogigi
Summary: Yukino is your above average medical ninja working under the employment of the Akatsuki as their new medical specialist, however, life in a notorious criminal organisation isn't what people believe it to be. Join Yuki as she attempts to stay at least half sane among all the crazyness that is the Akatsuki in this random and cractastic story. Rated M just in case
1. Chapter 1

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 1

Authors Note: This fic is set somewhere during the two and a half year time skip, I think, but I can't promise you anything, and is complete crack at its finest ( or worst?). None of what you're about to read should be taken seriously. With all that out of the way I guess we should get on with the story, shall we.

Itachi: The authoress neither owns me (though she would probably love to) nor the Naruto series. If she did, I would not be dead and my foolish little brother wouldn't be gay. Honestly, are we really related? If mother was alive she would not approve.

Nekogigi: Tachi, your brother isn't gay, he just kissed a guy and ran away from home to live with a paedophile, now get your ass moving damn you, I wanna get some steamed octopus before Kisame eats it all.

P.S: there will be lots of trolling in this story.

Another P.S: many idiots and possibly even a goat were seriously injured during the making of this garbage I dare call modern literature.

Journal Entry :01. Oct 10

Dear Diary,

I, almost doctor Yukino Misaka, of fairly sound mental health, have come to the conclusion that all the crap I've been through thus far is completely and utterly Itachi Uchiha's fault.

'Why?' you may ask, well you see it all started when I destroyed half of our Fire Country base after the stone faced bastard made a snide remark about my inadequate medical skills, or maybe it started before that,I can't really remember. Tsukiyoumi me for wasting 90% of my chakra on attempting to heal your sorry ass upon your request because I am a magical deity who refuses to perform miracles. Were you not paying attention to your elders when they told you that the damaged sustained due to the mangekyou was irreversible? Psch scumbag who will not be receiving his weekly dose from my medical marijuana dispensary. I'll be eating muffins on my own this Saturday.

Anyway, my newly appointed therapist, Sir Leader Pein of the omnipotent trippy eyes, has requested I keep a journal so I may pour out my heart and soul in hopes of quelling my anger. Fuck you Pein, you can't stop me, you can only hope to contain me!

Kakuzu wants compensation for damages because he can't afford to pay for them himself with all that damn money he's hoarding in his mattress. Hidan and I will be 'liberating' some of the cash later to buy booze, douse Tobi in whiskey and set the annoying mother fucker on fire. Sounds like a good way to spend a Thursday night, don't you agree?

Trees are plotting against you, the Kishin has been revived.


	2. Chapter 2

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 2

Author's Note: Let us take a moment to ponder on the gloriously, silky, soft, feminine, carnival crimson hair of one Lieutenant Renji Abarai. When the wind blows, it goes woesh… oh wait, wrong fandom.

Deidara: No one's hair is as glorious as mine ;D

Nekogigi: Go swallow C4 and die you ignorant blonde woman.

Deidara: I am NOT ignorant!

Nekogigi: So you admit to being a woman, I knew it!

Deidara: That's not what I…Aw fuck!

Journal Entry :02. Oct 13

Dear Diary,

To my utmost amusement, I have received word that Itachi was given orders to keep a diary of his own. Oh omnipotent master Pein, how I love thee. The damn blind bastard can't even tell the difference between a pot and a kettle.

And in other news, Kisame flooded the Akatsuki base this morning. The oversized piranha tried to do a nosedive into the bathtub and the splash was epic. Kakuzu wants compensation, as always. Insert dramatic eye roll.

Tobi baked cookies. Konan and I ate them all and made the idiot cry. Like there wasn't enough water damage already.

Yuki is hungry, Yuki is a good girl, andiamo!

Hidan: Stop speaking like Tobi, you annoying fuck!


	3. Chapter 3

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 3

Author's Note: To those of you who were wondering, this is actually my first ever fic, like ever. So thanks to all of you who have bothered to read and review and even insulted, I really appreciate it. And please do forgive me if the contents appear a bit choppy or amateurish and grammatically incorrect, it is after all just fan fiction.

On another note, Random entries will be popping up here and there throughout the course of this fic, do not be alarmed, it's perfectly normal and will not harm you in any way, shape or form.

Random Journal Entry :01. Date not specified

Dear diary,

I met an idiot today.

He had blonde hair and blue eyes, much like my own idiot Deidara here At Akatsuki manor.

But this idiot was different. He had markings on his face that looked like whiskers and Insists his name is Naruto. I did not believe him at first, but then again I don't believe anyone at first, until his pink haired friend who shares a name with some or other flower confirmed that his name is indeed Naruto.

The idiot, who will now be referred to as Naruto, is an orphan who lives in Konoha and aspires to become Hokage some day. He enjoys copious amounts of ramen, long walks on the beach, and claims his master is a pervert. He then proceeded to ask me if I had seen an emo guy named Sasuke, he even showed me a picture. Naruto also asked that in the even I ever run into Sasuke, to tell the emo boy to go straight home because his friends miss him. I tried telling Naruto that Sasuke would not be returning home any time soon and that he would most likely attempt to destroy the Leaf or worse, join the Akatsuki, but he would not listen. Poor idiot orphan boy Naruto, for shame Sasuke, for shame…


	4. Chapter 4

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 4

Journal Entry:03. Oct 17

Dear Diary,

I can hear the unmistakable sound of crying coming from Sasori-danna's workshop.

The water damage the base sustained due to Kisame's "epic splash" has resulted in many of the walls developing mould, yellow mold,green mould, black mould, even fluorescent purple mould, and our favourite piece of firewood is not amused.

Sasori and many of his favourite puppets have begun to rot and he was forced to house his heart canister in a one-legged mannequin on wheels. The squeaking is even more annoying than the rattling sound he usually makes and has driven Hidan insane, not that the demented priest was all there upstairs in the first place. The silver haired maniac tried to commit seppuku but unfortunately for the rest of us, he is immortal, and the only good he's done is splatter blood all over his bedroom. Sir Leader Pein ordered him to scrub his bedroom from top to bottom, and being the generous individual Hidan is, he offered to threaten me to clean his room or be sacrificed to his imaginary celestial being. Psch he can go to hueco mundo, I'm a doctor ,not a Jashin damn maid. I didn't spend all those years at the Kirigakure Medical Academy to pick up after these idiots.

A sound soul dwells within a sound mind and a sound body. Ha! The body is sound, I'm not so sure about the mind and soul.

Author's Note: It's the anniversary of former 104th training squad graduate Marco Bodt's death today. Jean has been hiding in a cave mourning the passing of his best friend and possibly gay lover for the past 12 hours. We take this time to remember the sometimes forgotten freckled sweetheart and Marco, I hope that where ever you are, you'll be surrounded by beautiful women and men in bikinis. We all know how much you loved seeing men in bikinis…


	5. Chapter 5

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 5

Author's Note: The faceless old woman who's been secretly invading your home while you sleep tells me terrible things are about to happen.

Natsu Dragneel: Uhm… Where am I?

Nekogigi: you're in a fanfic. Virgo says you fell through one of her pitfalls. She'll be dropping by to pick you up once Lucy notices you're missing.

Natsu Dragneel: Oh, okay then. IM ALL FIRED UP!

Nekogigi: Shh, keep your voice down. You'll wake the moon.

Journal Entry: 04. Oct 19

Dear Diary,

We're moving to the Land of Waves.

The damage to our current base was deemed irreparable, much like Itachi's eyes, so Pein-sama announced during an arduously long-winded meeting that we would be leaving tomorrow and that Deidara the arsonist has permission to make a BANG! Said blonde transvestite is absolutely ecstatic and is bouncing around all over the place like the Hellspawn known as Tobi when he forgets to take his medication.

Speaking of medication, personal reminder to order something for Zetsu. Mr Monochrome is acting schizophrenic and argues with himself on occasion. That's not normal, although when you're surrounded by sharkmen, zombies,vampires, paper people, a life sized Pinocchio, a boss on a power trip, a transvestite with hand mouths, and Tobi, I guess a schizophrenic black and white aloe vera man isn't that unusual, is it?

Oh my Pein-sama! The only one fairly normal, besides me of course, is that bastard Uchiha. And he's killed the most innocent people amongst us. Just goes to show the level of mental instability I subject myself to, it's no wonder I've been tempted by Prozac

Clocks continue to tick after their inner workings have been removed. The hooded figures speak in static and it's illegal for dogs to enter the Dog Park.


	6. Chapter 6

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 6

Author's Note: A quick shout out to Tian Kong Shang De Cai SeHippo, you're awesome. And yes, there was a Hetalia reference in the second chapter. I just love Hetalia.

Madara: the crazy woman hasn't done a disclaimer in a long time so I shall do it…

Veneziano: Nekogigi does not own Naruto or any of its characters, she does not own me either. In fact she may not even own her imagination. PASTAAAAA!

Nekogigi: Italy go home, you're drunk.

Journal Entry: 05. Oct 21

Dear Diary,

I love our new hideout.

It's a beach house in an affluent suburban area, much to Kakuzu's ire. And the weather here is a lot better than the bipolar weather of the fire country.

According to Ketsuno Ana, the weather girl, tomorrow will be the perfect day to go to the beach. We all decided to follow her advice because Konan, Itachi and I are far too pale for our own good.

The blue haired kunoichi and I went out swimsuit shopping in town earlier. To my surprise we received Akatsuki funding, Kakuzu's still bitching about it. He was threatened with death by Pein Almighty, Konan has the carrot top wrapped around her little finger. Tobi says they're an item, psch what does Tobi know? The moron can't even remember not to refer to himself in the third person.

We also bought Itachi a pair of spectacles and the latest copy of Icha Icha Paradise, perv. He looked pleased, or maybe it was constipation, I can't really tell with him since he has so few expressions.

Public Service Announcement: We have reason to believe that there is a trans-dimensional rift in the bathroom. Whenever someone tries to take a bath the water somehow mysteriously disappears through a small dark hole never to be seen again. It's becoming quite bothersome to the point where people have been forced to take showers. The Mayor says we should put a plug in it, foolish mayor and his Desert Bluff's ideals.

If anyone has experience dealing with trans-dimensional rifts or knows of someone who can help please contact me immediately, the wellbeing of our planet may depend on it.


	7. Chapter 7

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 7

Author's Note: Thanks to all who have bothered to read this fic thus far, a special shout out to you, who or what ever you may be. Remember, an author's life not only revolves around the pieces they write but also those who read their work, your support is highly appreciated.

Sasori: yeah right! That's all complete bullstrout. She doesn't give a flying shit about anything or anyone.

Nekogigi: Not true, I give a lot of shit about some things.

Sasori: like what hmm? It sure as hell aint art.

Nekogigi: L-like you…

Sasori: (blush)

Journal Entry: 06. Oct 22

Dear Diary,

For once in her life the weather girl was correct, a bit too correct.

It's hotter than the hell these terrorists have gotten themselves one-way tickets to.

I'd give Deidara's left arm for Gray Fullbuster to grace me with his icy-cool presence right about now.

Our little family trip to the private beach did manage to douse the burning inferno, it also caused some unwanted, but not unwelcomed ogling. A plain Jane ravenette like me with chocolate brown eyes and oddly pale skin would find it comforting to know that the male populous found me attractive in my tiny red and black bikini.

Tobi was buried neck deep in the sand and we played volleyball with Hidan's head while his body floated lifelessly in a nearby lagoon. The profanities sprouting from the demented priest's mouth would make even the most seasoned sailors feel uncomfortable.

I also had the strange feeling that I was being watched. But I brushed it off because I've been having that feeling ever since I started working for Akatsuki.

I caught a certain apathetic red-eyed spectacles wearing monster staring at Konan's ass over the top of his Icha Icha. Careful Uchiha, you shouldn't be eying Pein's woman like that. You might get killed or worse, fired.

Kisame is looking a little chapped. Sunlight isn't good for fish. I hope he doesn't kick the bucket, that would be bad for business and Kakuzu might demand compensation from the sun for inadvertently killing off the fishy.

The faceless old woman who invades your home while you sleep warns you not to leave your home tomorrow night between 9pm and midnight. She says the City Council will be patrolling the streets picking up homeless children in order to conduct experiments on them.


	8. Chapter 8

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 8

Author's Note: A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today only to reappear in the gymnasium of a local school during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second, and before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again…

Journal Entry: 07. Oct 24

Dear Diary,

I don't think I'll ever eat sushi without feeling guilty.

It turns out the chapping Kisame was experiencing was actually a severe case of sunburn. Poor little guppy.

After wasting forty-five minutes on searching for my industrial sized calamine lotion which was confused with strawberry milk and drunk by a certain alcoholic who wishes to remain anonymous (Hidan), my fish friend and I trudged down to the local supermarket where I spent over an hour arguing with the manager who refused to sell me a bottle of calamine lotion because I didn't have a "calamine licence". They kept the stuff in a glass box where you'll usually find the cigarettes, such fools these mortals be.

Anyway, in a fit of rage, I set the manager on fire and stormed out of there leaving behind a wake of destruction. The manager is suing for damages, Kakuzu is countersuing him for being an asshole.

And so, by the time we got home Kisame's sunburn was so uncomfortable that he soaked himself in soy sauce, had me wrap him in plastic and toss him into the freezer for an hour, however, when I went to check on him I found he had turned into sushi, and I was tempted to eat him. I actually did try to take a bite, but the howling wail of pain he let out made me feel a little guilty.

But no worries, dear diary. We did manage to get him back to the way he once was by means of black magic rituals and a blood pact with the devil. In about ten years my soul will be destroyed.

Also, Hidan has a pet goat named Gladys. He found her in the back yard and Zetsu wants to eat her. Hidan claims she was sent by Jashin-sama so that we may be blessed with milk, butter and cheese. He's in the kitchen now churning like a farmgirl because "it's the fucking will of Lord Jashin." Moron.

While I was delivering a bottle of eye drops to Itachi, I caught Deidara reading the Uchiha's diary. I couldn't help myself, I read it. His handwriting sucks. The Journal contains explicitly detailed plans of mass murder, copious amounts of baby brother complex, multiple statements along the lines of "I hate Orochimaru" and something about a woman. He even has vividly romantic dreams about her. Uchiha and romance don't gel as well as Hidan's hair does.

But alas, Deidara is our resident prankster and has made it an effort to embarrass the apathetic bitch. The 2 hour fight that ensued resulted in severe injury, scorch marks ,a charred goat and two comatose patients I must now care for. Hidan is not an amused farmgirl, however, dinner was exceptional, kudos to Kuzu and Konan for making the best of an almost amaterasu'd situation.


	9. Chapter 9

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 9

Attention all shoppers, will the parents of a three year old toddler named, uhm Beelzebub is it? Yes Beelzebub, please remove their child from the manager's office. He is staring at me with glowing red eyes and floating five feet off the ground. The black miasma surrounding his body just shot out a lightning bolt and vaporized my assistant Trisha. Trisha will be missed.

Oh never mind folks, the child just disappeared through a portal that opened up beneath him. No biggie.

Journal Entry: 08. Oct 25

Dear Diary,

I accidentally dyed my hair pink today.

I ran out of shampoo and had to use some of Deidara's, since his comatose form wouldn't mind. Of course I had no idea Hidan had tampered with the bottle's contents, so now I'm walking around looking like a fucking candyfloss explosion. Sasori provided the chemicals used to make all this pinkness possible so I will be threatening him with a jar of termites if he refuses to cooperate and give me the Crabby Patty formula to reverse this uglyness. I have sued Hidan for compensation. He told me to go fuck myself, I told him I'd fuck him if he paid me. He came back with a sack of counterfeited banknotes with goats on them. Like I would whore myself out to a sadomasochistic psychopath like him, access denied. He's tried to rape Kakuzu on multiple occasions, but it's not considered rape if it's consensual. Yes Kuzu, I hear the lustful moans that escape that stitched mouth of yours at night, I never knew you liked it rough.

Zetsu's garden is a truly wonderful place. The rhododendron azaleas are in bloom and I've discussed arrangements for cultivating them to produce a poison which we will be using in Sasori's Hiruko puppet as an offensive feature. We begin experimentation in 2 weeks. Hidan will be our test subject since he's so resilient.

I was bitten by a dragon fly earlier this evening, the ever growing lump on my forearm has since started glowing, throbbing and whispering notions of death and despair . The microwave exploded and every time I walk by the telephone it rings, but when I answer it I hear nothing but heavy breathing and static.


	10. Chapter 10

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 10

Author's Note: The Arctic is lit by the midnight sun. The surface of the moon is lit by the face of the earth. Our little village is lit too, by lights just above that we cannot explain, welcome to the Land of Waves.

Journal Entry: 09. Oct 26

Dear Diary,

I never thought I'd admit it, but I really miss Itachi.

Sir Leader and Konan are away on business in Ame, Tobi claims they've eloped, once again what the fuck does Tobi know? Usually when they're gone Itachi is left in charge of things because he's the most responsible. Since the dipshit is still in a coma the task of watching over the idiot brigade lands on me. I'm not pleased.

Kakuzu filled the bathtub with his mattress money and is soaking in the aroma of currency, he's been in there for nearly five hours now and I suspect he's fallen asleep, tis a habit for old people, and Konan once told me he was 86 the last time she checked. Sasori's been tinkering with his chemistry set and has created what Tobi refers to as the glowing green liquid of doom, we're not quite sure what the liquid does, therefore, my not so favourite termite infestation chose to test the effects of the glowing green liquid of doom on Hidan by pouring it into a beer can and offering it to him, worked like a charm. Said alcoholic is now sprawled out on the floor under my desk licking my toes and panting heavily. Zetsu has rooted himself in a terra cotta pot on my windowsill to watch over me "in case Hidan tries anything funny"

But the plant man keeps staring at me and making me feel uncomfortable. I think he either likes me or wants to eat me. Both ideas send the boiling shiver of disgust throughout my body.

Tobi has procured himself a pogo stick and is giggling like an eight year old school girl while an angry Kisame chases him around while swinging a snarling Samehada.

On a lighter note. Contrary to popular belief, Deidara is very much not a woman. I discovered this revelation while giving him a sponge bath, also, Itachi has a nipple piercing, I didn't notice that before. Is it new? Anyway ,I suspect they've both been peeing on worms.


	11. Chapter 11

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 11

Random Journal Entry: 02. Date Not Specified

Dear Diary,

I had a dream, quite a vivid dream actually.

I was surrounded by snakes. Albino snakes with yellow eyes and purple markings on their heads. They were hissing and spitting venom at me, some of the venom landed on the exposed skin my black tank top and shorts weren't covering, burning oblong shaped holes into my flesh. I tried running away from the snakes but I could not move. I tried screaming for help in the dim, endless void I was trapped in, but no sound came from my mouth. The slithering snakes began to writhe and convulse and then they all joined together in front of me, merging into a magnificent ,eighteen-foot tall five-headed hydra. It was a very dynamic looking hydra. The raw power, the intensity in those five faces, those many sets of piercing yellow eyes.

The hydra stared at me intently for a moment, almost smirking, before the main head hissed, licking its lips and then engulfed me in a single gulp.

There's something magical about being eaten alive by a giant snake. Going head first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry…

Author's Note: these disturbing images were brought to you by the dark recesses of my mind.

Zetsu: Weird…

Nekogigi: Shut your trap and get off my ceiling moyashi!

Lavi Bookman Jr: Do I see an innuendo somewhere in there?

Nekogigi: Of course not. You can't see jack shit with only one eye. Why are you hiding under that eye patch, is it something illegal? Take it off I wanna see?

Lavi Bookman Jr: Nope sorry. Never gonna happen.

Nekogigi: Pleeeeeeeeease…

Lavi Bookman Jr: Okay, but only if you promise to go out with me. ;D

Nekogigi: Meh, why not, what do I have to loose besides my virginity?

Lavi Bookman Jr: STRIKE!


	12. Chapter 12

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 12

Journal Entry: 10. Oct 27

Dear Diary,

There's a fish swinging from the chandelier.

We received a mysterious package in the mail today. Being the impetuous fool that he is, Fishfingers decided to slice open the box with his big ass sword. Turns out it's Orochimaru's birthday and the snakebitch sent US a present instead of the other way around. For a genius he's quite the idiot. What's in the box? Oh just a nest of angry snakes. Kisame refuses to come down from the chandelier and Tobi is still hopping around the base on his pogo stick. Deidara and Itachi have remained in their respective comas, despite all my best efforts at electro shock therapy and, Kakuzu is yet to come out of the bathroom. Maybe he's dead. That sometimes happens to 86 year olds.

Sasori is cursing me and my future children for setting a party of hungry termites on him. Sir Leader please come home and save me from the idiot brigade.

Also, it turns out the glowing green liquid of doom Hidan drank turned him into a dog. He's been humping my leg, barking and licking my toes since 5am. Zetsu is not happy. He's still rooted in the terra cotta pot where Hidan has opted to piss into. Zetsu is now sprouting little multi-coloured flowers from his head. Poor Mr Monochrome, I'll have to trim his hedges.

And now for a word from our sponsors: Greetings humans, I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs. You're trespassing on my dungeon Earthlings, and I'm the thing you should be afraid of. I'm going to unzip your skin and wear you like a coat… this message was proudly brought to you by Cartoon Network.


	13. Chapter 13

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 13

Journal Entry: 11. Oct 28

Dear Diary,

I cried.

My sensei always told me that it is important to provide auditory stimuli to comatose patients, it promotes neuroelectric activity, which is why I found myself discussing the state of the organisation in Pein Almighty's absence with my immobile patients and begging Itachi to return to the land of the living. I am now convinced that Jashin-sama exists, because right on cue as I started praying for guidance and crying over the near motionless form before me, the hand I had clasped in my own tightened its grip and the stoic Uchiha's eyes fluttered open, sharingan activated as usual. In retrospect it may have been the sound of my sweet angelic voice and excellent medical skills which roused him from his vegetative state, because lets face it, I'm simply one hell of a doctor. He reached out a hand to wipe away the tears trickling down my right cheek and told me that "a lady shouldn't cry, snot and tears are not becoming of her." Dafuq does that mean? Was he quoting Icha Icha? Anyhow, the sound of a crashing tv set interrupted our brief reunion and Itachi promptly darted from the treatment room in all his shirtless glory and tsukuyoumi'd everyone, including all the stray snakes and termites that were roaming about.

He and I later enjoyed a silent brunch on the terrace. It was both low fat and cholesterol free. Tobi, whom we had locked in a broom closet, kept pounding on the door, demanding we let him out so he could watch Hello Kitty the Movie which was supposed to be screening today. I'm not sure how he escaped Tachi's wrath but the anti-chakra handcuffs I bound him in should be enough to hold him. They were a gift from Konan and were promised to be quite effective.

Speaking of Konan, she and master Pein returned this evening. Both looking as apathetic as ever. And Tobi was wrong, they didn't get hitched.

They did however bring home a Jinchuriki, and chocolate cake. The jinchuriki is locked up in the basement in one of the old birdcages we used to keep ostriches in. Bijuu extraction will commence as soon as everyone recovers.

Author's Note: Silence is golden, words are vibrations, thoughts are magic and this chapter does not exist, it may appear to exist but I assure you it is merely a figment of your imagination, an empty void of broken dreams. By the time you wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of a human soul being destroyed through black magic you will have completely forgotten all about its existence and just have the undeniable feeling to review…


	14. Chapter 14

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 14

Random Journal Entry: 03. Date Not Specified.

Dear Diary,

The folks here at Akatsuki manor are quite fond of role playing, poker and recording themselves while breaking into spontaneous song.

I found an old video tape amongst Zetsu's many media archives from a time before I joined the org titled "Konan Does Showtunes" while I was snooping around in plantboy's stuff. It featured a very drunk Konan dancing and singing on the dining room table in her cute glitter hearts underwear while Kakuzu played a familiar and catchy showtune on the piano with his tentacles, which I've been humming for the past six hours. I assume everyone was drunk, considering all the beer cans and tequila bottles strewn across the common room, everyone but Pein of course, who was protesting to Konan's behaviour when she ripped Itachi's clothes off and bit him. Sir Leader was desperately trying to cover them both up despite the other members of the group joining in on the song and forcing him to dance with them. I can't believe Sasori can twerk, he's usually so stiff. And Kisame has two left feet (when he's drunk). Well he has two left feet all the time, some sort of surfing accident or something like that.

I'm not sure what I watched but I'm pretty certain someone got molested or something at the end, also, I'm pleasantly surprised that Konan can actually sing. She should do it more often.

Author's Note: And that, dear readers, is what you get when you eat too much fudge.

Itachi: Gigi, how did you know about the tape?

Nekogigi: I have my resources.

Itachi: Woman,don't make me gouge your eyes out!

Nekogigi: Giheehee. You wouldn't dare touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touch me, I wanna be dirty...

Itachi: Thrill me, chill me, fu-uuuuuuuck! The damn song is stuck in my head.

Nekogigi: Creature of the night!


	15. Chapter 15

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 15

Nekogigi: You know what Tachi.

Itachi: Hnn?

Nekogigi: Your mangekyou looks a lot like pinwheels.

Itachi: Is that so, never would have guessed. *takes a sip from his apple Martini*

Nekogigi: I wonder… If I blew you, would it make your eyes spin?

Itachi: *Spit-take*

Journal Entry: 11. Oct 29

Dear Diary,

Tobi is not what or who he claims to be.

While the others were downstairs performing the Nine Phantom Dragons sealing jutsu, I was left to care for Satan on my own.

Tobi and I were both sprawled out on the common room floor doodling in one of his colouring book when the masked monster called out to me in a deeper, sexier voice than usual. Surprised by what I had just heard I looked up from the fairy flower child I had been decorating with shades of blue and lavender and regarded the loonball with a raised eyebrow. I saw a flicker of the sharingan and was like "da fuck?", but then Tobi spoke up again. "You know, you're quite an attractive woman." He said. "such a pity I have to kill you" he continued. "What?" was my slightly confused reply.

"After that stunt you pulled with those kinky chakra binding handcuffs yesterday, I may have to punish you." He cooed in my ear. "Like hell you are" I hissed at him, unperturbed by what he had said. That's when I found myself flat on my back being straddled by the swirly masked lunatic. He had both my hands pinned to the ground above my head with his own and had a Shinsuke-like glint in his eye. I had no other choice but to knee him in the 'Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon 'and wriggled myself free while he was disorientated. Out of instinct I took up a defensive stance on the opposite side of the room and pulled out a few senbon needles I keep in my lab coat for emergencies. He recovered quickly and started cackling uncontrollably, the weirdo said something about me being feisty and making a good future clan matriarch or something before he zipped himself out of reality. Like what the actual fuck was that about? Psch scumbag , only Hidan has ever been that brash and he ended up with a silver bullet in his head and twenty-four hours worth of missing memories, ahh fun times at the Rose Dorina Festival.

Try that again and you'll be next Tobi. Welcome to the Closet Otaku Bunny Doll Cannibalistic Circus, Bitch!


	16. Chapter 16

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 16

Journal Entry: 12. Oct 30

Dear Diary,

I have a new friend.

The bijuu extraction went faster than expected, and most of the members of Akatsuki are now fast asleep in the common room in various positions. Deidara is on the coffee table with his ass in the air, Kisame's hanging halfway out the fish tank. Pein and Konan are quietly snoring on the couch. Kakuzu fell asleep in the rocking chair with the chainsaw known as Hidan in his lap. Tobi's out in the backyard with Zetsu building a tree house or whatever. Itachi's wherever the hell he is (probably masturbating to rock music or something) and Sasori is in Geppetto-mode down in his workshop, so here I am keeping our new prisoner company. He wishes to be referred to as 'Frank' and I'm assuming he may have sustained brain damage during his brief encounter with death.

Usually extracting a tailed beast from its host results in the death of said host. It's different with 'Frank', who somehow managed to stay alive. It seems a little suspicious.

We're keeping him under observation for a couple of days until Leader gives Zetsu the order to eat him.

While I was making photocopies of Itachi's diary, which I plan on publishing as a novel or selling to a morbid heavy metal rock band, I found a permanent marker on Leader-sama's desk and will be using it to draw ridiculous doodles on everyone's faces and/or masks. I shared this idea with Frank and he told me to shove a certain ginpatsu kusottare's hands in boiling water while I was at it and document the loud-mouthed motherfucker pissing himself. Hidan does a lot of pissing. Whether it's pissing on plantmen or pissing people off or just pissing on the furniture coz he feels like it. He's like a fucking untrained circus orangutan. It's about time someone pissed him off, but considering Hidan's high pain tolerance and his affinity to masochism, the wet patch on his pants was most likely something a little more viscous than urine. Frank is a fun guy, albeit a little mentally incapacitated. I hope we can keep him, it's been a while since we had a pet. Gladys doesn't count because there are still pieces of her in the freezer.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the permanent marker and my OCs.

Yukino: Yo!, this is my first disclaimer invasion. I'm so thrilled to finally be umph…

'Frank': Shut your pie hole and get back in your box, we're not there yet.

Yukino: kuso kurae no shin bonkura!

'Frank': Did you just call me a dumbass? Gigi! Yuki-chan is being mean to me, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Nekogigi: Gigi janai, Gigi-taichou da!


	17. Chapter 17

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 17

Random Journal Entry: 04. Date Not Specified

Dear Diary,

Itachi's mind is a dark, dangerous, depressing place. I would hate to be one of his split personalities.

As you know, dear diary, I've been taking time out of my daily schedule to occasionally read through the weasel's journal, and so I hereby bring you an excerpt from the accursed object.

"Dear Diary,

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiralling downward. I couldn't harness enough chakra to paint the walls red with Deidara's blood or suffocate Hidan with my intimidating presence. It sucks, cause torturing them is one of my favourite afternoon activities. I like to stab Hidan in the chest cause I hate him and rip his soul apart while listening to 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab' on my me-pod. And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing that it usually does. Some days, you know.

I'm an emo kid, contorting reality with my ultra super bloodline power. You'd be able to do it too if you had eyes like me. I have paint on my nails and lines on my face, I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs. Coz I feel real badass when I'm dressed in a black cloak with red clouds. I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a rogue nin.

I may look like a chick and am good friends with a dyke, but at least I'm not a transvestite.

Stop my breathing and slit my throat. I must be emo.

I'm dark and troubled with an obsession with being killed by my foolish little brother. Being around my partner makes every day feel like Halloween.

I have no real problems, besides the hereditary disease I'm suffering from. I'm supposed to steal my brother's eyes to cure my illness.

Reading Lovecraftian cult novels and Icha Icha are my hobbies and I can't get through a Kidneythieves album without sobbing. Girls keep breaking up with me, it's never any fun. They say they already have one murderer, they don't need another one. I usually end up trapping their minds in an eternal loop featuring images of Might Gai jogging.

My genjutsu is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. Grabbing a hold of you and tightening its grip. Tighter than a pair of Yukino's Jeans (which look great on her by the way).

When I get depressed I throw shuriken and kunai in every direction. I write in a journal and wear thick rimmed glasses. I like to glare and kill villiagers. My nakama and I all wear cloaks. My father never got me you know, he probably never will either, cause he's dead and I was the one who killed him.

I think my brother's gay, I saw him kissing a guy. And he lives with Orochimaru, God I hate that serpent. Why couldn't he stay with Naruto? I mean yaoi fangirls like that kinda thing anyways. I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one who gets me. You're my best friend…

I feel like dango."

That fucking bastard! I am not a dyke, I'm just slightly tomboyish.

I like Kidneythieves , they make me wanna sob too.

Author's Note: This chapter was based on the youtube video by Adam and Andrew called The Emo Song. A big thank you to Tian Kong Shang De Cai SeHippo for all the wonderful ideas you've given me. As always, most of the concepts and characters depicted in this fanfic are not the property of Black Void Productions (a non-existent publishing company I just made up on the spot ten seconds ago because I thought it would sound cool to name a company that, don't you?). They belong to their respective creators and any copyright infringement you may come across is completely unintentional, or maybe it is intentional and I'm just doing it to fuck with you and piss you off,you'll never know.

Itach: So this is how you knew about the tape. You've been reading my damn diary you bitch!

Nekogigi: It wasn't me. Yuki-chan sometimes tells me things I don't wanna hear, like about that uhm,rash you've got going on, for instance.

Itachi: Sh-she told you about that? Well there goes my street cred.

Nekogigi: more fibre sweetheart!


	18. Chapter 18

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 18

A/N: I haven't updated in a while, and for that dear readers, I apologise profusely. Hontoni gomen'nasai.

Hisagi: She's not sorry, she's been having a blast assisting me whip squad 9 back into shape.

Nekogigi: I regret nothing! Ran-chan, wait for meeeeeh!

Rangiku: Stop flirting with readers Shuhei, the sake isn't gonna drink itself. KAMPAI!

Journal Entry: 13. Oct 31 - Not So Special Halloween Special (it isn't even Halloween )

Dear Diary,

It's Halloween in the Land of Waves!

We received a letter in the mail the other day inviting us to Orochimaru's annual Halloween party, Konan says Akatsuki attend every year just to ruin the party by killing as many of the guests as possible and drinking all the punch. Our crazy ginpatsu priest decided to dress as the grim reaper, he already has the scythe so all he had to do was get a cloak from one of the hooded figures in the dog park, he's the only one who can actually communicate with them. How he understands static is beyond me. Kids kept ringing our doorbell asking for candy, Hidan tried to reap many of their souls because apparently it's his candy and no one is allowed to have any. Evidently, he ended up with a sugar rush and we had to lock him in the bathroom, he was yelling, kicking and screaming unintelligible garble at Kakuzu for an hour. Too much cheap candy I tell you, too much!

Itachi's dressed as Dracula, its cute how he trusts my judgement and lets me call the shots when we go out shopping, fangs are quite 'becoming' of him. Dei and Sasori are dressed as Barbie and Ken, Sasori simply transplanted his heart canister into the chest of a life sized Ken doll we stole from the Toys-Я-Us in town and we forced Deids into a sparkly pink cocktail dress I may or may not have shoplifted a couple of weeks ago, it looks better on him than it does on me, I think I may have scorched his hair when I was ironing it with the clothes iron out of jealousy and spite. Konan and I are cosplaying as Loli Maids, the silky royal blue and black lace corset is eating into my flesh and my boobs are touching my chin. The maid thing was Pein's idea, the fucking bastard isn't even dressing up, neither is Kuzu, he says it's just a waste of time and money and wants compensation from whoever came up with the idea of Halloween and inconveniencing him, buzzkill. Zetsu has mysteriously disappeared, he just left a note on the fridge which read "SA'NARA BITCHEZ". You know what diary, he's been wondering off a lot lately. Kisame and Tobi are already scary enough as it is. Kisame's all blue and toothy, and Tobi is in costume all the time, so the two of them decided to wear three piece tail coat tuxedo's with cravats, though Tobi still insists on wearing that wretched mask, they look like employees at a host club. Mega dish delish… Did I just admit to finding those two attractive? fuck me sideways, I did. Unfortunately, Frank was not allowed to participate in our Halloween celebration because "prisoners are not allowed to have fun." master Pein insists. Our plans for mass murder and excessive drinking were soiled however, on account of a sandstorm sweeping over Grass Village from Suna. Also, the void seems to be particularly active this time of the month, it dropped eighteen raccoon carcasses over the past three days and transported an elderly couple. wouldn't want to end up in the Bleach universe like L Lawliet or in Fairy Tail like Ichigo with no way of escaping. Too bad Orochi, I don't think you'll be having any guests over tonight. It's such a pity though, Itachi was really looking forward to seeing his foolish little brother again.

Anyways, Tobi is painfully diabolical. He kept complaining about how boring his "senpai" is and how playing monopoly is no fun if Kuzu keeps winning. He insisted that Pein Almighty rent movies and order pizza, (since we have a new tv now, eighty-four inches of ultra slim touch screen technology. Kakuzu's still pissed at Pein for getting it, but we needed a tv because Sasori was sulking over not seeing Ketsuno Ana every day, he really likes her and threatened to murder us all in our sleep, or poison us, brat!) Sir Leader, irked on by the aggravating whine the lollipop man emitted from behind his mask, complied, if only to get the annoying motherfucker to shut the fuck up. And so Tobi was given free reign over what should be watched and forced us all into having a family movie night as a way of 'bonding'. At the end of Pinocchio, Sasori was leaking sawdust from his eye sockets and after we watched Jaws, Hidan, who had finally been let out of the bathroom, was still high from all the sugar and the thought of all the blood and pain and was jumping up and down on the coffee table, eventually breaking it and falling flat on his ass while Kisame was crying for his mommy. I fell asleep on the shoulder of an already sleeping Deidara half way through Twilight and woke up in my bed a few hours later. According to Konan, Itachi had carried me to my room and tucked me into bed. At least he didn't rape me, Pein the magnificent would have him castrated in the most painful way possible if he ever tried, and Zetsu would probably eat him, Pein-niisan and that Venus fly trap are ever so overprotective of me.

One more thing, I stashed a bag of cheap candy under my bed. I'm gonna sneak off to Dei-dei's room with it and we're gonna stuff our faces, yay!

Shit there's gum in my hair, damn Jashinist!


	19. Chapter 19

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 19

Journal Entry: 14. Nov 2

Dear Diary,

Tobi gives me the creeps.

I can feel his eye on me. Roaming my body, studying my every move. If I had a dick I would pull it out and piss on him, he's so fucking annoying. He's been watching me ever since that incident during bijuu extraction. Itachi, who in the last few days has somehow become my closest friend, gave me some advice while we were doing our hair and nails and shit, he told me not to pay the freak much mind because it would only encourage his behaviour and lead to unwanted stress. He also said, and I quote: "if the manipulative piece of rubbish ever attacks you again, inform me immediately and I'll amaterasu his sorry ass!" Yes, dear diary, the straight laced prince of darkness used those exact words, what did you expect would happen from sharing a house with Hidan and myself? We both have such a colourful vocabulary .I had always been curious about the identity of the man behind the mask, so I asked Pein-nii-ni if he knew anything about who Tobi really was, he just sighed and told me he was a mysterious man named Madara Uchiha. Initially, I had been stunned by this confession. I always thought Itachi and his foolish little brother were the last remaining Uchihas, but King trippy's answer confirmed my earlier suspicions of Tobi, I mean Madara, possessing the sharingan. Sneaky little rat bastard.

Furthermore, our Aloe Vera motherfucker has been missing for two days now and nobody gives a flying buffalo testicle about him. Even the ever observant Itachi shrugged his shoulders and 'hnned' at me when I asked him if he knew where our resident horticulturist was. I hope he didn't get himself into trouble at that Cactus bar again. Last time one of the strippers called HQ and practically begged us to retrieve him because he was eating all their well paying customers. For shame Zetsu, for shame.

Itachi has corn-rows btw. The beads I put at the ends of his braids look so cool at night. Now his eyes aren't the only things that glow in the dark. And I was forced to allow dear weasel to cut my hair after I found the gum Hidan put in it. I've got bangs now, whoopee!


	20. Chapter 20

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 20

Journal Entry: 15. Nov 3

Dear Diary,

Kakuzu's on a winning streak.

He and Hidan went gambling at a nearby casino last night, they called the house at around 1am this morning and asked Kisame to bring them a wheelbarrow because the money Kakuzu won was too much for him and his partner to carry on their own.

This morning a delivery guy shows up looking for Gruncle Kuzu. Turns out he entered a competition and won himself a truck load of Bargain Dash Ice-cream. It's a little grainy and the flavours are weird (I mean who likes honey-liver pate or toffee-broccoli fudge? The citrus-carrot mint supreme is nice though) but we've all been pigging out on the stuff because our freezers aren't large enough to hold all the frozen 'treats'.

After a while, Hidan got bored and instead of eating the stuff, he rubbed it all over his godlike body and ran around the back yard attracting bees. The sadomasochist is writhing in pleasure from all the bee stings and I have a petri dish full of stingers I intend on using for something… eventually, a booby trap perhaps?

I think the winning streak has something to do with the ever present trans-dimensional rift in the sky above our house. Oddly enough, it has no effect on lottery tickets.

Zetsu's finally back home. Konan found him wondering around aimlessly in Ivy Gorge, you know the vast canyon on the outskirts of the village that's over run by (non-humanoid) aloe vera plants. He had this dazed expression and a severed human hand clutched to his chest, all the while muttering the same thing over and over again. "Hegemone, ALL HAIL HEGEMONE!" According to extensive research done by Sasori and myself (although mr Sass complained that I was wasting his precious time, but what else does he have to do besides piss Deidara off with his horrendous art hmm?), Hegemone was the Greek goddess of plants, specifically making them bloom and bear fruit as they were supposed to. It's also the name given to one of Jupiter's moons. It's plausible that Zetsu may have encountered this deity, old newspaper articles report tired travellers who pass through the area often stumble across a mysterious woman dressed in green emerging from the ground in a giant aloe vera offering them fruit and water before she disappears again. Apparently she wishes them no harm Aww how sweet, Mr Monochrome found himself a girlfriend.

A/N: See readers, this fic isn't just about crack. You can learn cool things about ancient Greek mythology and astronomy too. Now whenever you wanna sound intelligent you can tell people "I know about the nature goddess Hegemone, and you don't weh weh weh."


	21. Chapter 21

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 21

Journal Entry: 16. Nov 5

Dear Diary,

Its Laundry day at Akatsuki Mansion!

To keep things fair amongst us, Sir Leader employs the "Hat Method", where we plunged our hands inside a huge top-hat and pick a ball. Whoever picks the red ball is the looser. I remember thinking "Maybe this time I'll be lucky, maybe this time its grey. Maybe this time for the first time the looser is Dei-Dei." But alas, I did choose the red ball, again, for the third time in a row. And as per usual, since its laundry day none of us had anything decent to wear. While Konan and I tried to stay reasonably modest, the guys, oh god guys, let's just say I never ever EVER wanna see Hidan wearing that goddamn red thong again and Kakuzu is just too old to wear a Kilt.

The blood and other bodily fluids staining all the garments and sheets was rather easy to remove this time around, I have this vertically challenged friend name Levi who gave me the contact details of this little shop called Urahara's Store which sells industrial grade bleach for real cheap. The owner, Kisuke, is such a kind gentleman, I like his hat. He does all his deliveries personally via something he calls the 'Portable Senkaimon'. Quite a handy device.

While I was out back hanging the last batch of darks I caught a glimpse of a flash of light in the direction of the rose bushes. After further inspection I noticed there was a guy with silver hair and large glasses crouched among the bushes with a camera, but he quickly scampered off when he realized I had seen him. I didn't bother pursuing him because the Sheriff's Secret Police were in the area scouring the streets for any Badland Zombies and other unsavoury characters and if they didn't catch him, I'm pretty sure the hooded figures would, those are some strange and dangerous individuals and I wouldn't want to cross their path, lest I be dissimilated or permanently altered.


	22. Chapter 22

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 22

Journal Entry: 17. Nov 8

Today was supposed to be Sasori's birthday.

Of course none of us really gave a damn, especially now that everyone's attention is aimed at Deidara's cat and the new neighbours.

Deidara found the cat trapped in a floating sphere out back in our garage this morning while he was looking for a sledge hammer, I'm not sure what he wanted to do with the hammer though, maybe prove his manliness by hanging a painting incorrectly or pounding Madara's head in and whatnot. Anyway, the cat seems quite content with us. Although she doesn't really like her new owner much, hisses and claws at him any chance she gets. I named her Schrödinger, you know, after the world renowned scientist. Sasori says it's such a taboo thing to do, naming a cat after a man who suggested trapping a cat in a box with a potentially poisonous substance. Go to hell Sasori, Schrödinger was a genius.

Deidara and I were in the kitchen getting the cat a saucer of milk when our neighbours arrived. They appeared seemingly out of nowhere in the vacant piece of land adjacent to our house. There was a feint whizzing and whirling which gradually grew louder, a large rectangular box began fading in and out of existence, the flickering light at the very top of the strange structure glowing brighter and brighter until finally the blue box stood proud and tall where there was once nothing but grass and weeds. "Police Call Box" the sign read. The door swung open and two figures walked out, one male cladded in a pinstripe suit, he had great hair I can assure you that much. The other one was female, a blonde wearing a lot of denim, I still do not know how both of them could fit in that box. It was large yes, but certainly not large enough for the both of them.

They came up to our door, and casually rang the doorbell. Itachi answered. The man spoke to him for a short while before Itachi lead them into the common room. I was curious to know what they wanted so I brought them tea. It ended up being meaningless jibber jabber about our resident hooded figures and the gaping void in the sky that occasionally sucked random people into a different dimension and dropped dead animal carcasses onto unsuspecting passers-by. They had an odd dialect, Cockney or something. The man, who introduced himself as "The Doctor, just The Doctor" had chastised his "companion" Rose about "mucking about" when she and Deids started cooing over Schrödinger. Companion ey? I thought he was holding her against her will. They got one hell of a fright when they caught sight of Deidara's hand-mouths, I'll tell you that much. "The Doctor" pulled out this funky looking pen-flashlight thingy and scanned Deidara's hands looking for some sort of irregularity, he looked a little disappointed to find none. I was a little disappointed too, I was hoping they'd take him away and lock him up in mental institution. For shame Doctor, for shame.

And so we bid our new friends farewell as they travelled down the path into town, possibly to be swallowed by the void or eaten by zombies and never to be seen again.


	23. Chapter 23

The Unfortunate Misadventures of a Willing Hostage.

Chapter 23

Journal Entry: 18. Nov 12

We were bored, completely and utterly bored.

Since Pein-nii-ni instated these new Akatski Black Ops who do most of the minor missions that don't involve bijuu's or big bounties we've all had a lot more time on our hands, so when all the chores were done we got time to ourselves the majority of us opted for lazing around in the common room. I was reading Lovecraftian cult novels on the couch with Tachi and about to fall asleep to the familiar yet soothing sounds of Deidara and Sasori yelling at one another about who's art was better when Konan piped up and suggested we play a game.

Shogun. It's basically Truth or Dare but with less truth and more dare. Itachi and I reluctantly agreed to this because even we were bored.

Things were going well at the beginning, Deidara was dared to wear his hair in twintails, Pein-nii-ni wore an aluminium foil hat shaped like a Viking helmet and I dared Hidan to crossdress. It was quite a hassle to get him into the corset but we made it, and he looked lovely. I now have a useful picture to use as leverage against him.

Things took a different turn when Konan won Shogun. That sly grin she had plastered on her face when she looked from me to Itachi. I knew she was up to no good when her grin widened and she said his name. He glared at her, seems like he knew what she was planning. His eyes widened slightly when she dared him to kiss me, and not just any old peck on the cheek. She wanted tonsil hockey.

At first I was outraged. psch Itachi of all people, I admit he's attractive, but he's like my best friend for cthulhu's sake, things would be weird. But after Hidan taunted me for being a fucking chicken, i was all fired up. There was no way in hell I would down that double shot of Absinthe. The alcohol induced hallucinations are cosmic but the hangovers are in no way as fabulous as the green fairy claimed. So I accepted the challenge, but only if Itachi was willing, and he was.

He looked down towards me and apologised for what he was about to do and then hooked his index finger under my chin, tilting my head up towards him. I closed my eyes when he very, very gently brushed his lips against mine. He drew back a few inches before he came closer to me again, this time around placing his hand behind my head and bringing me closer towards him. There was only slightly more pressure between our lips but I had slowly begun to reciprocate his movement. I felt his hands lightly grasp my waist. First they rested on my sides but gradually moved ever so slightly to my hips and drew me even closer. I draped my arms over his shoulders, knitting my fingers in the tuft of silky baby hair at the nape of his neck. By now our kisses were still soft but more passionate. His tongue slid cautiously along my bottom lip silently asking for entrance, I obliged and our tongues began to intertwine and dance to their own rhythm. One of his hands travelled upwards and I whimpered when his fingertips gently grazed along my breast. I quickly came to my senses and pushed him away from me, a thin line of saliva still connecting us. We stood there gazing at each other blankly for a moment until Kisame broke me from my stupor with a wolf whistle.

I excused myself from the game and went into seclusion in my bedroom.

DAMN YOU KONAN YOU SNEAKY LITTLE VIXEN!

A/N: Ooh the plot thickens.


End file.
